Obviously I'm really bad at blogging. And grammar. I was reading back on some of the posts I've made and realized how many mistakes I make and sentences that don't make sense or whatever. Its kinda dumb.

Anyway, I'm gonna try better. I think this might turn into a place where I can just write about what I'm feeling sometimes.

Like the horrible thing that is going on in Haiti. It breaks my heart. I feel like since I have travelled and lived among people in a 3rd world country I look at things like that totally different. I imagine that happening to my little friends in Kenya or Ethiopia, I can't imagine that happening to them. They go from nothing to even less. How is that possible? It causes me to wonder so many things. Like why? why them? I ask God that. I just don't understand. I know it is not God's fault and I do not blame him. I just want to ask him why those things happen.

I wish I could go.

I want to help.

I feel so crappy here with all the water in the world I could ever need and more food than I know what to do with. Seriously have you walked down the cereal aisle lately? Its ridiculous.

While they are there thirsty and hungry. What do you do?

Home is good. It feels good.

I am extremely exhausted but glad to be here.

I jumped back into work right after thanksgiving and the coffee shop I work at had its grand opening! It was great, a lot of people came and they remodeled the whole place while I was gone and so it looks awesome in there.

I think my body is still trying to catch up because I get so tired I can even function at like 7:00 pm. But slowly its getting there.

I think this thanksgiving (well American thanksgiving) was an interesting one. I mean I was extremely thankful for so many things, but at the same time it was hard. Just coming from a place where the children don't have any food and the people are starving was challenging. Then Black Friday was the next day and I wondered how much money in the United States was spent that day on stuff. Probably enough to feed the entire continent of Africa for a year. I don't know that might be exaggerating. But that was how I was feeling.

I realize again that I have to find the balance between the life there and life here. It is so different. I struggled with this kind of thing when I came home in April so I already know, and its easier this time. Hopefully the more I go the more I will figure out where to place my thoughts when all this bombards me when I get home each time.

I am thankful to be home and that I have a job, and food and a bed and people that love me and tell me they love me and a Father who love me beyond belief and provides for me. Really, what more do I need?

James

One of the boy’s in the school who we met was named James. He is about 5 or 6 years old, super cute and a smart little guy. He loves bubbles and balloons :)

On wednesday we went to visit his home and we met his mother. She is handicapped and has deformed legs so she uses a type of wheel chair to get around. The way she makes money is begging on the street, she used to be a prostitute and as a result James has a little baby brother about 2 months old. They live in a small dark mud house and she crawled on the ground to get around. But she welcomed us in and we prayed for her and her children. It was hard being in there and seeing the environment in which they live.

It was like that in all of the houses we went in.

On Friday we went to school and Christine told us that his mother had done something very bad. She brought James over to us and pulled the side of his pants down so we could see his hip. There were burn marks on this leg and then she showed us one on the inside of his leg. Something happened and his mother got mad and took a metal spoon, put it in the fire and then burned his leg with it.

He was just quiet and his expression did not change. If Christine had not said anything we would never have known. Which was hard because it means he is used to it and stuff like that happens often. It broke my heart. We took him outside and prayed for him and I had tears running down my face.

How could anyone do that? I know it happens all the time around the world, but I just can’t understand. Christine was hurt also, she just kept saying that was no way to treat a child.

What do you do with that? I had a hard time for the next little while, I was emotional and struggling to let go of that. I think it was harder because we had been at his house 2 days before and met his mother. She did not seem like she would do something like that.

Jen, one of the leaders of the team, cleaned his burns and then applied burn cream. We also got antibiotics for him to fight off infection. The poor thing screamed when she was cleaning the area, it was awful, but we knew he needed it.

I think one thing we had to process together as a team later is God’s goodness. Its a very hard thing to proclaim when you are surrounded by injustice and poverty. But it is important. We focused a lot on that and seeing God’s goodness through the pain and suffering that was all around us.

He is there all the time, He is there when the bad things happen, and He is there now. He loves those children and that is one thing that I could feel radiating through me while I was there, was his love for the children and how is heart breaks a thousand times more than mine when bad things happen to them.

He is good. He is so good.

We went to the school everyday while we were in Kenya. School starts at 8:00 am and ends a 12:00 and it is now a pre-school and kindergarten. It was amazing to see the progress that the children have made since we were there in February. They all can count to 100 in english, write their names, say the abcs and all sort of things . They are so smart. Its so cool. I love that they have this chance to learn because otherwise they would not be in school.

Also there was a team there in the summer and they painted the whole outside and inside and put in a floor so it looks so much better and is a lot cleaner.

After school we would go home to Christine's house where we were staying and each lunch. They cooked traditional Kenyan food for us every meal. It was so good. Its unbelievable for how cheap too. For our whole team of nine for the whole week food cost less than $60!

After school the first day the team went and helped clean the yard up around the school by moving barbed wire and mowing the grass with old fashioned weed whacker things which took forever. I went into town with Christine to the market and bought food and she had a few other errands so I was with her. She told me all about the children and the school and her dreams for it.

Her wish is that one day it won't be just a school but also a children's home. She wants the street children to live there but for it also to be a really good quality school so that people who can afford it will pay for their children to go there because of the education. Then it would be a way to sustain it for the homeless ones. Most of the children at her school are orphans and stay with either friends or grandparents. I love this idea. I already can't wait to go back and I am so excited what God will do.

Home in Germany

First of all, Kenya was awesome! Second, I am sorry I didn't write anyone while I was there. But its ok because now I am back in Germany, I got to sleep in a bed last night and I took a real shower for the first time in a week. Life is good.

I wish that I had been able to write each day and here and tell you about what we did because now its a big blob in my head and to write it all out would be difficult and long. So in the next few days I'll add the highlights and the amazing things God did in us and through us.

One of the things the speaker that was here the week before we left said was that God calls us places like Kenya or wherever for outreach and yes we do reach out and give of ourselves but the main reason he does it is to bring us closer to him. I think that always happens in mission trips. You go to help people and give of yourself, but really you leave having been blessed and changed yourself. God totally used this time to bring me closer to him, and it was incredible.

Another way he used me is an answer to an amazing woman's prayers. Christine, the school teacher, told me that she and her daughter had been praying for months because they wanted keep teaching more and for the children to be able to write and they had no pencils or school supplies. She told me that God used me to answer her prayers. When I showed her the box of school supplies I brought, she was so excited and said Bless you, God bless you over and over, but the coolest part was that she praised Jesus for it. It was him that put that desire to bring those things. And it wasn't only me. He used you who gave the money and helped me buy everything. She told me like 5 times to say thank you to you so much and prays that you will be blessed for giving to her and the children. So thank you :) God used you to answer a woman's prayers in Africa.

Kenya Bound

Tomorrow I leave for Kenya! I can't believe its actually happening. Tonight I had dinner with my team and we prayed and sang together and we are all so excited to be going, its awesome.

The tickets we have are amazing, we have a fast train all the way to Frankfurt and then a flight straight to Mombasa. They got a really good price on them too and Jesus is just blessing us in so many ways.

I'll update as soon as I can :)

The Kenya team is awesome :) There are 9 in total, 4 guys and 5 girls. They all are amazing and so excited to go. We talked a lot about what exactly we want to do there and prayed about what it is exactly God wants us there for during this short time. One thing we do want to do is help in the process for the school to become legal. In Kenya there are requirements that need to be met to make it legal and certified. One of them was completed earlier this summer which is a floor, the other big one they still don't have is uniforms. I think there are a few other things as well, but they just haven't had the finances to complete them yet.

We know we want to spend time with the kids everyday and then we will also help do practical things around the school like painting, mowing the grass and things like that. But we are still praying if there is a bigger thing God is planning on doing through us while we are there.

We want to help, but we also want the school to be self sustained and not depend completely on foreign money and things like that. So pray for wisdom for us in all that.

Its been so awesome here at the castle to go to the teachings and remember me being where all these students are now. The speaker this week is so good and it has been really encouraging to hear him speak.

I’m surrounded by love and encouragement. It’s wonderful.